I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
