she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
