I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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