I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
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It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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