I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
