my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
