I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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