Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
