You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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