I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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