I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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