sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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