Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Randomize
