if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
