the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
