he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
