So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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