forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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