my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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