If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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