I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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