I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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