I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
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just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
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You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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