she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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