It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
whose ass print is on the piano?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
