Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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