u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
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I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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