.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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