From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
