Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
