Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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