Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
