I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
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You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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