I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
