I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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