I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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