I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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