$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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