Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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