my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
