He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
