So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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