just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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