I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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