I accidentally burped into my bong.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
