I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
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she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
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Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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