Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
