I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I deserve this hangover.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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