So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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