I just pynch a tree in the face
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
