His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
