My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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