The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
