just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I did not marry a roomba.
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