My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
