My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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