Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She's not a foreskin expert like you
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
