do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
