No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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