Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I got chris browned last night
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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