Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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