hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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