things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
