Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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