No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
