wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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