3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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