By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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