I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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