Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
