so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
