You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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