bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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